It was a big thing for me to get a cleaner. Huge in fact. It meant admitting to myself and those around me that I CAN'T keep up with it all like I would like to. In some ways it was an admission that I fail at Super Mum.
I look back over the past fortnight and the number of times I have received help from others. Friends helping out with washing etc. when the boys were sick, Mum taking over so many chores while she is here, my wonderful cleaner tackling the plaster dust that spread so insidiously through the house. If I hadn't had the help, we would have muddled through sure, but life was so much easier with the help.
Inside of me there is still the stubborn two year old that declares defiantly "I can do it MYSELF!". There is the derisive school-marm that sniffs and reminds me that once women my age had 9+ kids, no electricity, no car, no other fancy gadgets and THEY managed! There is the self-conscious shrinking violet who wonders what everyone will think of me if I can't manage perfectly myself. There is the prosecutor who accuses me of cheating my family by having "so many children, so close together when CLEARLY I can't cope!".
It gets very loud in my head sometimes.
Then when I silence all these voices, I realise there is nobody out side of me saying these things, nobody whose opinions really matter anyway! Rather than railing against receiving help, perhaps I simply need to humble myself and accept it. Perhaps I need to recognise this blessing from God and use what He has given me to HIS glory. Perhaps I need to use the 'free time' it gives me to minister more to my family, perhaps I need to minister to the people who minister to me, perhaps I need to stop listening to these myths and embrace HIS truth!