The plan WAS working

Well, it's that time of week again and I guess you are all dying to know about the state of my fat cells.

Not good.

I have officially gained back some of the weight that I lost.

98 kg as of last night rather than the 97kg  weighed in at the week before.

I completely lost track this week.  I didn't even print out my little plan which does show me that it WAS working.  I feel like I spent 95% of my waking hours in the last week sitting in an arm chair pumping breastmilk or trying to calm a very sad baby and I did not take time to keep myself on track - which is silly.

There is a reason they recommend you put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others if they come down on the plane - it is so you don't end up useless on the floor while those less able suffer from not having you take care of them.

So yesterday, I took a walk - only 15 minutes, but a walk none-the-less.  I have printed out my plan and I have signed up at www.sparkpeople.com so I can track my calorie intake.

And I still have time to reach that goal of 95kg before Kaylee's surgery.

And the dream is back on....

I have lost 1kg.  I've gone from100kg (220 pounds) to 97kg (213.4 pounds) 

60% of the way to my February goal so if I get into gear maybe it will still happen.

Even with the cake/PMS brain, horrendous reflux from Kaylee meaning I spent most of my time in an arm chair and lack of time meaning I defrosted meat pies for lunch or ate chips on more than one occassion - it's progress.

So, Olympic dreams aside, why do I want to loose weight?

* I need to be in decent condition to cope with the physical demands if raising my beautiful brood.

* I will handle stress better if in reasonable condition and I anticipate a little stress in our future!

* I want to feel good about myself and catch the eye of my darling hubby.

* Seeing as Kaylee may be dependent for her whole life I need to be as healthy as I can for as long as I can.

* I want to be able to help my kids out when they are adults - either with my grandkids or whatever other endeavour they choose to pursue - and I need to be fit in order to do that!

* I am cheep and finding decent quality clothes, in styles I like, in my size is expensive and time consuming

So eyes on the prize.

No birthdays this week.

Perhaps I will even get to go for a walk??

cake-brain/PMS-brain

OK so on Monday I blogged that I lost 2kg.

After that I felt fantastic.

I felt invincible.

I felt FREEKIN' AWESOME.

"Pffft," I thought "This weight loss thing is so licked.

Hey I may even be down to my pre-ERIN weight by the end of the year at this rate.  I am going to run a 10 Km race this year.  And maybe a MARATHON next year.

After that I should totally go in the Olympics.  I would rock the Olympics.

If I win a gold medal in the Olympics I should totally become a writer and motivational speaker.

I am sure that the fact that when people call me inspirational I crack under the pressure of living up to their expectations and become a quivering mess in the corner will in no way impede my success as a writer, motivational speaker and Olympic Athlete.

And when I am a writer, motivational speaker and Olympic Athlete I will give my testamony and thousands, nay, MILLIONS of people will love Jesus and the world will be a Happy Place.  There may even be world peace.  I should have started loosing weight YEARS ago."

And then, just when I was figuring out my training schedule for my Olympic dreams around my mothering commitments etc. TUESDAY came.

And with it came Anna's third birthday.

And cake.

Now I think I have mentioned before that I am a former bulimic.  While I haven't actually done anything actually bulimic for over ten years now, I still have traces of food obsession and compulsive eating....just to keep me humble.  This means that when there is cake/chocolate/sweets/anything remotely yummy-treat-like in the house a part of my brain gets like this

Source: hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com via Jess on Pinterest

(by the way, if you are not bothered by the use of one four lettered word - which is technically a six lettered word because it has -ed on the end - click through to the blog that pic is from.  It pretty much describes that part of my brain in detail and it makes me laugh so hard I snort)

But I figured that seeing as I was practically an olympic athlete now and on the cusp of winning the world for Jesus I would be fine with a little cake in the house - right?

I took Anna to the shop to choose the lollies she wanted for her cake.  I used to think that I should make cakes like this

Source: familyfun.go.com via Jess on Pinterest

But I actually make cakes like this

Source: dailymail.co.uk via Jess on Pinterest

and so now I just let the kids choose a bag of lollies and decorate it themselves.

Which meant I had half a bag of Jelly Beans AND a vanilla cake, iced and covered with Jelly Beans.

The  cake-obsessed part of my brain was going into overdrive and my olympic dream was starting to look a little shaky.

I would be working away, minding my own business and cake-brain would say "Cake?"

"No, we are going to the OLYMPICS we will be FAMOUS and HELP PEOPLE.  You do not need cake."

Then five minutes later.....

"Cake?"

"No."

...

"Cake?

 "WE HAVEN'T EVEN SUNG HAPPY BIRTHDAY YET!!"

...

"Cake?"


This went on for about two hours.

But I was good, I was strong.


I waited until after we sung happy birthday then dutifully ate onlyone piece of cake with the children to celebrate Anna's birthday.  Then got it out after the kids went to bed and ate another two pieces.

All week I have been contending with the harassment of cake-brain which, toward the end of the week, was joined by PMS-brain.  I lothe PMS-brain.  I lothe it so much, I stay pregnant most of the time to avoid it.  If PMS-brain was a person, it would be a hard-drinking, chain smoking, sarcastic, bitter woman with a drive to get what she wants, whatever it takes.  And when cake-brain and PMS-brain get together, the result is scary.

It starts out wheedling and 'nice'...and very tricksy.

"You know, you have had a really hard day today.  Kaylee needed you heaps, the kids were ratty.  You deserve the simple pleasure of a piece of cake."

Of course it doesn't mention that once I have one piece of cake, cake-brain will take over and there may be no cake left for the children the next day.

Then it gets really nasty.

"You have no self control you know - here are fifteen ways you failed to be perfect today.  Why don't you just go and eat cake - it's what you're good at.  Then you can just resign yourself to being a big fat, fatty failure the rest of your life."

Hmmmm, nasty.

So PMS brain does the nasty and nice thing while cake brain provides a background beat of:

Cake cake cake cake CAKE cake cAKE cAkE CAke cake caaaaake Cake cake cake cake CAKE cake cAKE cAkE CAke cake caaaaake cake cake cake.......

and after a while I kind of start to melt down

Source: en.wikipedia.org via Jess on Pinterest

So at the end of the day - I did manage, with some prayer and a stupidly huge amount of self control (so much more than I think one ought to have to use in order to not eat a child's birthday cake), to not consume every crumb of cake and jelly bean in the house this week.  The last piece of cake was given to one of the kids yesterday.  I do not know what the scales will say tomorrow but with the whole cake-brain/PMS-brain thing and Kaylee's needs meaning that I spent most of the week in an arm chair holding her or attached to a breast pump, I am not expecting the result to be mind-blowing.

And the Olympic dream and World Peace may have to be put off a few weeks.

The slightly less fatty boombah post

Last week I mentioned my fabulous new weight-loss and health strategy.

I turns out it kind of works.

Now it wasn't a great week for me keeping with the plan.  There was one particular day where the only thing that I ate that wasn't from a vending machine, service station or fast food restaurant was one banana.  I did not exercise once - Kaylee's reflux was REALLY bad  for most of the week and seemed to sense when I was about to walk out the door or put the exercise DVD on.  Yes, Jon can handle it but (a) I am a control freak and I'm OK with that and (b) he is wrangling five other kids so sitting tethered to a feed pump while trying to calm a cranky baby isn't really a fun prospect for him.  Over all I managed 195 points out of a potential 245+ - which isn't wonderful.

HOWEVER, 40 of those points are because I lost 2kg - that's 4.4 pounds for you imperialists out there (by the way, I highly recommend this clip to you if you still work mainly in imperial measurements - just sayin')

I have gone from 100kg (220 pounds) to 98kg (215.6 pounds).

And I am calling it a start.

The points kept me motivated to keep doing SOMETHING, even on the days when most of the things I wanted/planned to do became impossible.  Knowing that I was going to come on here and bare my flabby soul to the world motivated me to refrain from making 3 PB&J sandwiches as a before bed snack.  Having a concrete and attainable goal gave me the strength to grit my teeth and say NO to the emotional, compulsive urges that would try and entice me to eat everything not nailed down every time I thought about broken baby hearts and Other Sad Things.

Over all I am drinking more, taking my supplements and eating a little more of that Sometimes Food that the Cookie Monster sings about.

I am now 40% of the way to my pre-Feb goal.

And I am feeling pretty good about that personally.

The Fatty Boombah Post

OK so it turns out that medicinal mochas have a teensy weensy side effect when combined with donuts and large amounts of inactivity.

I am hugemungous.

No, seriously, in some cultures they would worship me as a symbol of fertility.

I have been trying to work out what I could do about this and I kept hitting a wall.  I'd start exercising, then things would get crazy for a while and I'd not find the time.  I'd start eating better then I'd be stuck in an ER eating out of vending machines for seven hours or spend two hours on hold/getting cut off with Centrelink and need to self medicate with chocolate before my head exploded.

Now I could wait until things settle down....but I figured about two or three kids ago that things probably weren't going to settle down and Miss Kaylee Grace's special features just add to the mix.

What I need is a flexible plan to help me recreate good habits and loose some of the bad habits.

The hitch was I don't have time to actually formulate said plan.

So I was pinning on Pintrest while expressing and sitting on hold (again) and I came accross this:

Source: sixsistersstuff.blogspot.com via Jess on Pinterest

I checked it out and the link took me to a great little blog that had done the hard work form me called Six Sisters.  They had a really good little weight-loss/fitness plan which I took and tweaked for my own use.  You can check out my tweaked version HERE.  The idea is I can keep track of those good habits I am trying to re-establish and if one or more slip for a few days, I can still keep focusing on what I CAN achieve - even if we are in hospital or things are crazy at home.  My short term goal is to loose 5kg before Kaylee's cardio surgery.  My long term goal is to loose 10 - 15 kg and run a 10km race.

I will be keeping myself accountable by blogging.

So you get the lovely priveledge of reading all about it.

Aren't you glad?

A retreat

I am taking a temporary retreat from this fitness challenge thing. While I believe that I SHOULD be exercising at least 30 minutes a day, the reality at the moment is that I am not doing actual "exercise" at all. I don't sit down much, but nothing you can call a regular work out! Out of the last seven days, I hit my goal of three loads of wood a day a grand total of ONCE. I have fit in being active a few times, a couple of walks and such, but nothing regular. So I am going to have a think on this. Obviously setting goals isn't working for me here, I am not meeting them. While I am not admitting defeat, I am taking a retreat to regroup and work out how to tackle this one effectively. Any helpful hits would be most welcome! Perhaps I just need to remember that I am only human at the moment....... Watch this space, I'll be back - I'm stubborn that way!

fitness goals (and some waffle about allergies and diet!)

It has been an interesting week in the diet of the Guest family! My goal this week was to eat only uncooked fruit and vegetables between meals and I achieved this (yay me!) in spite of the fact that peanut butter seems to be my new best friend since I've had to give chocolate milk the boot! Eliminating dairy from my diet has cleared up Anna's excema so it looks like I'm dairy free for a while. I am also taking wheat and dairy out of Christopher's diet. His excema cleared up with medicated cream but flaired up again within 23 hours of us stopping it. So I am weaning him off the medicated cream more slowly and taking him off dairy and wheat and I will reintroduce the wheat and then dairy slowly and we'll see what happens. All this has made cooking and food a bit more time consuming as I work out how to cook for our new diets (previously, I added cheese to pretty much everything!) and we have had new and exciting things like rice cakes, rice pasta and rice milk. If anyone suddenly develops an allergy to rice or beans we're in trouble!

Generally we do have a very balanced diet - balanced between being good steward of our bodies and keeping GOD as our focus rather than a diet or lifestyle choice. I realise that the health of my body will have an impact on my spirituality, in that by keeping my body healthy will honour God and improve my mental capacity to learn and understand and my physical capacity to minister according to HIS calling. But I have seen too many people make their lifestyle choices their idol. I have read many accounts of God restoring health to those kept in circumstances that SHOULD make them ill if not kill them, and I have known at least four people in the last ten years who had an exceptionally healthy lifestyle that died or are currently gravely ill with cancer. We are not made righteous by what we put in our bodies!

All that being said, this overhaul of our diet IS a good thing and it has given me incentive to make some better choices.

My goal for the next week is to stack 3 wheelbarrow loads of wood every day except Sabbath, nothing like having wood delivered to help get a person active again!

Some 'tweaking' needs to happen here.

OK, this isn't working. I set myself some goals again last week and to be honest I got so run off my feet I couldn't even keep track of what I was and was not doing! Sarah the Saint retired meaning I am doing all my own cleaning again (I won't get anyone else in for a while, I want to see how I go now I am not the size of a hippo!) plus we got some new shelves so I am rearranging the house and I have been treating the kids excema and running around to the doctor and then just the usual general 'life' stuff on top of that. BUT I do feel it is important to take care of myself physically, set goals and get myself fit (or at least fitter) before I get pregnant again. So we are scaling back and making this thing fit with the rest of my life.

One goal or habit per week I am going to work on. Simple, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely - SMART!

This week I am going to work on only eating raw fruit and vegetables between meals.