Saturday, October 29, 2011

20 signs I've been here too long!

You know your child has been in hospital too long when...

1) can tell ten things about a new nurse instantly from the colour of his/her scrubs and style of his/her shoes.

2)....your hands don't feel 'clean' until there is hand sanitiser involved.

3) have stopped licking your fingers when cooking/eating because hand sanitiser tastes gross.

4) know that a good nurse will stop a mediocre doctor from killing a patient but if a mediocre nurse came on shift you'd be afraid to go and pee for 8 hours.

5) know which alarms to worry about and which ones you can switch off and tell the nurse about later and which ones you switch off and ignore.

6) know what each "code" means when it is called over the PA system.

7)....the nurses tell the patients of new admissions to ask you if they can't find a nurse and they want to know something.

8)....your family and friends need a dictionary of medical terms to understand you.

9) firmly believe your morning mocha should qualify for a medicare rebate

10) wonder if the seemingly permanent twitch in one one of the bags under your eyes will burn off the calories from your medicinal mocha.

11) know which floor of the hospital contains which speciality off by heart.

12) can find your way around the hospital. At all.

13) threaten to beat anyone who uses the "Q" word (quiet).

14) know which hospital 'rules' you need to obey, which ones you can bend and which ones you can totally ignore.

15) have at least three good friends who have children with life threatening conditions.

16)....four or more of your child's doctors know you well enough to tell you that you look awful.

17) not only know the names of most of your nurses, you also know their hobbies, favourite books and movies and children's names.

18) have ever helped the cleaner as a form of stress relief.

19)....the nurse comes in to see that you have taken full obs and written notes.

20) consider 3 tubes and 5 wires attached to your child to be completely manageable, in fact, almost normal!

Here's to going home soon.

And here's a bonus 5

21) know which days to avoid the cafeteria

22) know what times to avoid trying to get a coffee (the cue between 8-9 weekdays is INSANELY long)

23) are on a first name basis with staff from at least five different departments

24) consider it a good thing if appointments etc. are running late because you know it means your child isn't the most urgent case.

25) have unintentionally memorised the roster of the cleaners, ward clerks and kitchen personnel.


Char said...

brilliant! 25 ot of 25! Must be getting close aye. It will feel surreal when you walk in that door at home. But oh how lovely!! Another day closer xxx

Kylie Moore said...

I love it!! Even worse when you know every single reg, consultant, fellow and majority of nurses in PICU and 7West. At least they all know Lochie...takes out the need to go over his history every handover lol. All the drs were at the nurses station when Lochie went down to PICU Thurs night giving him a warm welcome....I thought ok this is just getting ridiculous!

Bek Ross said...

Yep, been there too long!