Well here I am at the somewhat more human hour of 11pm. I am eating some delicious pasta bake which was dropped off by one of my friends I haddn't met yet. Some ladies from my homeschooling forum (http://aussiehomeschool.com/) have rallied around to make sure I stay fed on decent food and have many other comforts small and large. Sisters in the faith looking out for me even though they only know me through the words I write. I am amazed and humbled.
Today was another full day. More specialists. More people on my team. All of them delightful or witty or wise or knowledgeable or gentle or kind or (in many cases) all of the above. I am so blessed to be here with such an extraordinary staff of people. I am such a user at the moment. I meet people and it's "Hi, how are you? Nice to meet you. How can you help my baby? How can you help me help my baby?"
Miss Kaylee Grace was a gem today. She slept for a large portion of the day. She had a go at trying to latch and feed twice and I was SO proud of her. It will be a journey that takes months for her but I have great hope that our feeding relationship will be a good one, even if it does always include an NG tube. She had a good top to toe wash and a new outfit. We have discovered that a few drops of EBM on her dummy (pacifier for my American based reader - Hi Analene!! Love you, will write to you soon as I can) makes for a happy Kaylee. There were no extraordinary set backs and there were little creeps forward.
I rolled up my sleeves today. I washed my baby and changed her nappies. I settled her when I was there for grumpy moments. I picked the brains of specialists etc. I arranged to start to learn about Kaylee's feeding tube - including how to put it back in if it is pulled out. I am scared witless of some of these things, but I am of the opinion that courage is when you are scared witless and you do it anyway. And after watching what Kaylee had gone through, what can I do but be courageous for her? I also went out to lunch with my lovely big brother. It felt selfish to leave the hospital without her but I know taking moments to decompress means I can be there for her when she needs me. Burning myself out trying to work the 24 hour shift, trying to do everyone else's job, would mean that in the moments that she actually needs me, I wouldn't be there for her. And that, to me, is unacceptable.
Kaylee has made the world a better place.
Because of her, when I go outside the air is sweeter. Colours are brighter. Good food tastes incredible and music is more beautiful. This has happened with the birth of each of my children however it is even stronger with Kaylee. I have a lower tolerance for some things - like wasting time, tantrums in adults who know better and ingratitude. However, I have more compassion for others, especially the mothers I see on my ward.
My food is finished and my eyes keep closing.
Here is to another good-news-day.