Thursday, October 29, 2009

being my own girlfriend.

At the risk of sounding a little pathetic, I am not terrably GOOD at making friends. I am not a people person, my small talk limit is about 15 minutes before I start looking for the nearest sharp implement with which to stab my own hand and a few friendship *disasters* in the last decade or so has left me a little gun shy when it comes to close girlfriends.

Add to that the fact that I am a part of a small group of people who have masses of children, very close together, support home birth, homeschool my kids, live in the mountains, renovate, talk about Jesus like He is an actual real PERSON (freaks out some church goers for some reason) don't have my license (at least in part so I have a good excuse NOT to have coffee with 'the girls') - not to mention my other habits, customs and beliefs that kinda freak people out.

Don't get me wrong, I DO have friends. I have a friend who has stuck it out with me for over ten years now - she lives in NSW and although we haven't seeen each other for about eight years we natter often on the phone. Another friend who is in Melbourne who is my "ring when one of the children has a brush with death and I'm a total mess" friend. A dairy farmer, also a resident of Victoria, is my "tell me bluntly when I have it wrong and need to make some changes" friend and his friendship I probably value most of all. And there are many acquantainces who I will stop and chat with and family and like minded people.

But recently, I have been thinking. What I would love to have is a girlfriend who lived near me, or at least in the same state, whose children were just a touch older than mine. Someone who I could ring and pick her brain about where to go next or how to handle a certain situation. Someone who WOULDN'T tell me not to have such "high expectations" ('cause expecting to get dressed before midday is TOTALLY unreasonable!) or to cut myself some slack. A friend who had faith in me that I could do this wife/Mum thing and do it spactacularly. A friend with some practical knowledge to help me out. A friend who encouraged and exhorted me, cheering me on to bigger and better things. A friend who prays with and for me. A friend who encourages me to be the best I can be in all things to HIS glory. A friend who is humble enough to let me be their friend too. A friend who can be a "Belly Buddy" sharing the amazing journey of pregnancy and birth together. A friend who I can confess our latest toilet training disaster to and she'll have one to share with me too.

But there is the whole "social ineptitude" problem and the fact that I am the only pre-menopausal woman at my church. I'm not ruling out miracles here, but honestly the odds don't look to great in reguard to me getting what I want here!

So I am going to try being my own girlfriend for a while. I am going to sit and have a cuppa with myself and pick my own brain. Take a moment to dust off all those ideas and inspirations I have tucked away in there from various blogs and books and advise myself just as I would a girlfriend. I will pray with and for myself. I will research things to help myself out. And one day, if I come accross a brave woman who is willing to stick it out through the rather abrasive and crazy exteriour of me and make it to the creamy centre of fantastic-ness that is me, I will know how to be a good friend to her. Because I will have practiced on myself.


Momma Bug said...

Thanks for the chuckle Jess!! I'm sure you'll make a great friend for yourself (can I borrow your idea?).

I had a lot of thoughts reading your post this morning.

*How thankful I am for friends even at great distances.
*How once a year is enough for me to get a good fill of a good friend (and I'm sure the feeling in mutual!)
*How "church goers" aren't necessarily "the Church"...
*How the curse we bare to "...greatly increase thy conception..." is such a merciful blessing to us younger gals - keeping us too busy to get into fearful trouble ;-)
*How right you are about the privilege and encouragement of a dear girlfriend!
*How dear a friend you've become to me.

I hope the Lord sees fit to send that special girlfriend your way!
That "in person" friendship is hard to beat when it comes to sharing a cup of something and a hug:-)

Loads of love!

Jess said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jess said...

I do love your comments Analene! I am glad to know that my wafflings can inspire thoughts in another and your thoughts inspired further thoughts in me!

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

Thanks for being my girlfriend from afar and making me a little sharper.

*comment re-posted because something weird happened in cyberspace!*

Liz said...

I appreciate your thoughts Jess... but what about friends who can watch your kids for you while you go to the dentist or call on to put a load of washing in their machine when yours breaks down... Hugs when you need them and all that.

Jess said...

Well, for me I am lucky that I have a hubby who has a flexible work arrangement that means that he can take the day off every now and then to drive me around and watch children. And I own two washing machines ;)

Honestly, I do have people in my life who I can call on for favors if needed, a church full of retired people means that I can always find someone with a spare washing machine even if they aren't up to watching the kids and their toilet training stories are all forgotten! The fact that I am independent to a fault means I don't use the option very often. Usually, the only time someone other than myself and Beloved watch the kids is when I am having another one, and the last two times that was grandmothers. People would be willing if I asked perhaps, but it's not something I feel comfortable with unless we REALLY need it.

The type of girlfriend I would like to have is the type who GETS where I am at in life and is in a similar place herself. As time wears on I am starting to make a few friends like that, but I am determined to let the friendships blossom in their own time and our respective growing families keep us VERY busy! So yeah, there are days that are lonely to a degree, but there are positives even to that.