I live in a small country town with a school, shop, post office and pub. Most people I meet when I walk down the street I know well enough for a nod and a smile and it is rare that I need to stray too far from this comfortable niche I have made for myself. Most people around here have exhausted their store of silly questions and have come to accept me my family and me as just one of those eccentricities that exist in small towns. Like the Lady With All The Cats and the Man Who Always Wears A Green Hat, we have become the Family With All Those Kids. A strand in the tapestry of our town. As such I can go weeks, even months, without encountering someone who is surprised at our choice to have more than the usual 2.4 children.
But every now and then…..
Oldest Daughter and Oldest Son had been invited to a sixth birthday party. As we arrived they stripped off their coats and dived into the mini-mosh pit of children in the lounge room. I gave the mother of the birthday girl a wave and a smile and retreated to the relative safety of the kitchen area with the rest of the adults. I maneuvered myself into a position to get a glass of fizzy green stuff and found a stool that looked as if it would hold me. An unfamiliar woman dressed in smart-casual slacks and jacket and sporting a stylish, multi-coloured hair cut introduced herself as the birthday girl’s aunt. I smiled and introduced myself back.
“I belong to the one in pink singing off key next to the coffee table and the one in camouflage pants about to stage dive off the couch” I smile catching my son’s eye and explaining in detail exactly what will happen to him if he carries out his plan using only silent eyebrow signals. Thankfully, he gets the message and climbs down.
Aunt Smart-casual’s eyes widen “And you’re about to have another? Gosh you’re brave.”
I laugh “Brave or crazy. I have another two at home too.”
Aunt Smart-Casual’s eyes nearly pop out of her head “FIVE kids? Gosh, I didn’t know people did that still these days. Is it a religious thing to have so many?”
I smile and send up a silent prayer for strength, wisdom and try to remember that even though this is the 150th time I have heard this question, it is probably the first time this woman has asked the question. “Our faith has a definite impact on our choice to have children, but I do not feel forbidden to stop or required to continue to have children just because of my faith. It affects my choice like it affects most of my choices, being such a strong part of who I am.”
Aunt Smart-Casual nods with a blank look on her face “I don’t know how you cope. I have a 9 year old at home and he drives me crazy. He is a full time job. I couldn’t stand having another one, I’d never get any time out. How do you do it?”
Suppressing a sigh and pasting on a smile I nod and try to formulate an answer that doesn’t make me sound like a martyr or superwoman “We have tough days of course, any family with any number of children do, but five children isn’t the same as one child five times over. There is an economy of scale there. Plus I have an awesome husband which helps. Overall, it is a lifestyle choice for us and a lot of the time we have a whole lot of fun together.”
Aunt Smart-Casual thoughtfully tips her head to one side “Don’t you worry that you don’t get enough time for each child? How can they develop as INDIVIDUALS when you are so busy with all of them?”
I fight the urge to smack this woman in the face and remind myself that she doesn’t know my children, she is not judging me, she is simply unpacking a stereotype in her own mind. “I don’t have to make them into who they are, they are who they are, I simply facilitate the process of them discovering who that is and they don’t need me holding their hand every minute of the day to do that. When any of them achieve something they don’t just have me as #1 fan, they have a whole cheer squad. When they are low, they don’t have to fit in with Dad’s work schedule or find a moment when I am unoccupied to get a shoulder to cry on, they have siblings, friends and extended family. A strong support network., of which I am one part, is helping my kids to realize who they are every day.” Oldest Daughter comes and thrusts her pass-the-parcel prize into my hands before re-entering the melee in the lounge room. “When she was little” I continued “I worked full time as a teacher for two months. Between getting her to childcare, picking her up, preparing meals, keeping house, doing prep and marking – it was MUCH harder to find time for her then than it is now.”
Aunt Smart-Casual was still latched on to the topic like a dog with a bone “But what about time for you? Do you work now?.”
I bite back the sarcastic reply on the tip of my tongue and smile again, albeit a little thinly this time. “We chose to become a one-income family when my oldest was little. I enjoy what I do. I have more time for reading, personal projects and other pursuits now than I ever did when I was at Uni full time and working to pay my way. This was my choice and I have no regrets where that is concerned.”
“How on earth do you manage to afford everything? My husband and I work full time and we can barely keep up with the bills.” Aunt Smart-Casual replies in amazement “I suppose tax breaks and baby bonus would help a lot.”
Resisting the urge to roll my eyes, I continue “The tax breaks and the baby bonus are a great help and I am not going to turn down free money, but we aren’t dependent on them by any stretch. We choose to live a very simple lifestyle, we have a relatively inexpensive renovator’s delight which keeps the mortgage down and we keep to a budget. We don’t have buckets of money, but neither do we starve. Again, it’s a lifestyle choice.”
Thankfully, we were interrupted by the cake and I manage to be busy with my children and the party until home time. As I walk out the door, Aunt Smart-Casual lays a hand on my arm and says with a genuine smile “Good luck with the baby, I hope all goes well with you and your family.” As I walk out the door I wonder if I can write Diplomat and Ambassador on my resume now.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
My Birthday Poem
This year is supposed to be of significance, the thirtieth I've spent on this earth
And it is customary to give someone gifts to celebrate the day of their birth
The very thought, it fills me with dread! More things to store and to clean
it takes a way from my time with my brood, the very idea's obscene!
So this year I implore you, rather than gifts, pass a blessing to where it is needed
and leave me to play with my babies that day, enjoying my waifs unimpeded.
A card or an e-mail or a phone call's enough to let me know of your good wishes
(or if you are so inclined, perhaps come and do my dishes!!)
From this year on, rather than stuff, please feed a hungry child
or give clean water to a thirsty land and make my heart truly smile
Christmas and birthdays are filled with stuff
of chocolate and baubles I've had enough
please pass on the blessing to one living tough
Happy Christmas, Merry Birthday, mazeltov!
Getting in early, my birthday isn't 'till April, but if any of you were planning to give me presents this year for my Birthday or Christmas, please donate to your favourite charity instead or if you don't have a favourite charity, donate to ADRA. I would rather you change a life forever in my name than any gift you could buy me!
Thanks!
And it is customary to give someone gifts to celebrate the day of their birth
The very thought, it fills me with dread! More things to store and to clean
it takes a way from my time with my brood, the very idea's obscene!
So this year I implore you, rather than gifts, pass a blessing to where it is needed
and leave me to play with my babies that day, enjoying my waifs unimpeded.
A card or an e-mail or a phone call's enough to let me know of your good wishes
(or if you are so inclined, perhaps come and do my dishes!!)
From this year on, rather than stuff, please feed a hungry child
or give clean water to a thirsty land and make my heart truly smile
Christmas and birthdays are filled with stuff
of chocolate and baubles I've had enough
please pass on the blessing to one living tough
Happy Christmas, Merry Birthday, mazeltov!
Getting in early, my birthday isn't 'till April, but if any of you were planning to give me presents this year for my Birthday or Christmas, please donate to your favourite charity instead or if you don't have a favourite charity, donate to ADRA. I would rather you change a life forever in my name than any gift you could buy me!
Thanks!
Friday, December 25, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Semi-retirement
Announcing the semi-retirement of The Life and Times of Jess.
The Blog that is, not my ACTUAL life and times!
The time has come the walrus said...no, sorry, channeling Lewis Carrol there for a minute.
The time has come to place this blog into semi-retirement and concentrate on other things. I had a bash at the novel I have been writing for - oh - almost two years now (I would estimate that I am half a chapter in at the moment so it's going well) and realised how much I LOVE it. Writing actual real writing stuff. There are also about a billion other things on my "Oooohh, yeah, I really want to do some of that stuff" list and it ain't getting any shorter.
Blogging will now be almost totally restricted to http://whwhhow.blogspot.com/ and concerned pretty much totally with our homeschooling journey and will have a maximum of about 3 posts a week. While there may be the odd post on here (to announce new babies arriving and a cute clip or something I find) if you really really want to know what is going on in my life you will need to hook up with face book or, you know, actually e-mail me TasJess(at)gmail(dot)com (I'd suggest ringing me and talking to me, but I don't think I have actually met some of you so that would be, well, weird - and a little stalker like). Those of you who I have developed bloggy friendships with will still see me in your comments on a regular basis!
So, as this Blog heads into semi-retirement, goodbye and thanks for all the fish!
The Blog that is, not my ACTUAL life and times!
The time has come the walrus said...no, sorry, channeling Lewis Carrol there for a minute.
The time has come to place this blog into semi-retirement and concentrate on other things. I had a bash at the novel I have been writing for - oh - almost two years now (I would estimate that I am half a chapter in at the moment so it's going well) and realised how much I LOVE it. Writing actual real writing stuff. There are also about a billion other things on my "Oooohh, yeah, I really want to do some of that stuff" list and it ain't getting any shorter.
Blogging will now be almost totally restricted to http://whwhhow.blogspot.com/ and concerned pretty much totally with our homeschooling journey and will have a maximum of about 3 posts a week. While there may be the odd post on here (to announce new babies arriving and a cute clip or something I find) if you really really want to know what is going on in my life you will need to hook up with face book or, you know, actually e-mail me TasJess(at)gmail(dot)com (I'd suggest ringing me and talking to me, but I don't think I have actually met some of you so that would be, well, weird - and a little stalker like). Those of you who I have developed bloggy friendships with will still see me in your comments on a regular basis!
So, as this Blog heads into semi-retirement, goodbye and thanks for all the fish!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
What are you getting Jesus for His birthday?
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Presents and loved ones
In this yuletide season I have been contemplating presents and giving and reminiscing about Christmases past. Presents was a point of contention when Beloved and I first got together. You see, he is of the kind who refuses all hints or clues as to what a person may want, looks for hours to find the perfect gift then gives it with a quiet humility that belies the work he put into choosing it. I am of the type that takes a gift, appreciates the idea and then exchanges said gift for something I actually wanted or regifts it to someone else so it doesn't clutter up the house with yet more stuff.
You can see our problem.
Gifts I have gotten for Beloved over the years have been many and varied from touching, sentimental, well thought out gifts to "whoops, I forgot, did we really get married on the 23rd?" and honestly I haven't loved him any less on the "whoops, I forgot" occasions! He has kept everything. Even the little note books I wrote for him in our courting days full of reasons I think he is special and the dozen or so Johnny Cash CD's (with a few doubles in there) because, well, he likes Johnny Cash and it was quick and easy to grab a few CDs. I get chastised if I try and throw any of it out.
I never have really got the fuss over gifts personally. I don't think I am that hard to buy for and honestly am not phased at all if I get nothing but a cuddle and a kiss and a "Merry Christmas!". If I do get a gift I prefer it to (a) not clutter up the house or need storage of any kind (b) be something I actually NEED or (c) be cash or a gift voucher so I can get what I actually want. One of my favorite gifts to receive is mulch - because it breaks down and doesn't clutter the house and doesn't require anything other than being spread on the garden! I don't expect people to read my mind, just don't expect me to hang on to something I neither need nor want. I can appreciate the thought while someone else appreciates the gift. I am told there is such a thing as being TOO pragmatic about such things.
I forget to water plants he buys me even though I love gardening, I drop, break and loose things on a regular basis (in general, not just his gifts, it's just what I do) and I forget that he gave me something and donate it to charity on occasion too. I remember one year when we were still newly weds he gave me a HUGE, very difficult cross stitch reasoning that I had been doing cross stitch a lot lately so a cross stitch would be a good gift. I asked him if he would mind if I used the bits to make something that was a little less ugly than the picture on the front of the kit. Tact, it seems,is what he should have got me for Christmas.
We have come far since those newly wed days though.
I now try and be a little more thoughtful, a little more tactful and a little more appreciative. He now understands that "STUFF" isn't my thing and if I don't seem enthusiastic, it isn't because I am not enthusiastic about HIM! I now TRY and remember things like birthdays and anniversaries (I did forget this year though) and he now listens when I say "Hey, I need some place mats for the table I can wipe down, if you want an idea for Christmas there's one!". I try not to throw out or donate gifts and he doesn't get quite so upset if I do have a foggy moment and accidentally do.
Because the thing is, the real gift we give each other is smooth edges.
Like river stones rubbing against each other as they turn over in the water.
Over the years we have become better versions of our selves as the Holy Spirit rubbed us against each other.
Which is what relationships, all relationships, are all about.
So when you feel like throttling a friend or relation this Christmas Season, stop and think. This moment could be your true present from them. An opportunity to become a better person. They could be being your river stone.
You can see our problem.
Gifts I have gotten for Beloved over the years have been many and varied from touching, sentimental, well thought out gifts to "whoops, I forgot, did we really get married on the 23rd?" and honestly I haven't loved him any less on the "whoops, I forgot" occasions! He has kept everything. Even the little note books I wrote for him in our courting days full of reasons I think he is special and the dozen or so Johnny Cash CD's (with a few doubles in there) because, well, he likes Johnny Cash and it was quick and easy to grab a few CDs. I get chastised if I try and throw any of it out.
I never have really got the fuss over gifts personally. I don't think I am that hard to buy for and honestly am not phased at all if I get nothing but a cuddle and a kiss and a "Merry Christmas!". If I do get a gift I prefer it to (a) not clutter up the house or need storage of any kind (b) be something I actually NEED or (c) be cash or a gift voucher so I can get what I actually want. One of my favorite gifts to receive is mulch - because it breaks down and doesn't clutter the house and doesn't require anything other than being spread on the garden! I don't expect people to read my mind, just don't expect me to hang on to something I neither need nor want. I can appreciate the thought while someone else appreciates the gift. I am told there is such a thing as being TOO pragmatic about such things.
I forget to water plants he buys me even though I love gardening, I drop, break and loose things on a regular basis (in general, not just his gifts, it's just what I do) and I forget that he gave me something and donate it to charity on occasion too. I remember one year when we were still newly weds he gave me a HUGE, very difficult cross stitch reasoning that I had been doing cross stitch a lot lately so a cross stitch would be a good gift. I asked him if he would mind if I used the bits to make something that was a little less ugly than the picture on the front of the kit. Tact, it seems,is what he should have got me for Christmas.
We have come far since those newly wed days though.
I now try and be a little more thoughtful, a little more tactful and a little more appreciative. He now understands that "STUFF" isn't my thing and if I don't seem enthusiastic, it isn't because I am not enthusiastic about HIM! I now TRY and remember things like birthdays and anniversaries (I did forget this year though) and he now listens when I say "Hey, I need some place mats for the table I can wipe down, if you want an idea for Christmas there's one!". I try not to throw out or donate gifts and he doesn't get quite so upset if I do have a foggy moment and accidentally do.
Because the thing is, the real gift we give each other is smooth edges.
Like river stones rubbing against each other as they turn over in the water.
Over the years we have become better versions of our selves as the Holy Spirit rubbed us against each other.
Which is what relationships, all relationships, are all about.
So when you feel like throttling a friend or relation this Christmas Season, stop and think. This moment could be your true present from them. An opportunity to become a better person. They could be being your river stone.
Friday, December 04, 2009
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
Maternity shirts that I kind of wish I would wear
...but never ever will because I object to people reading my chest.
Stand Back!
I have my own gravity field.
Due for Delivery June 2010
Full Hands - Fuller Heart
(there's not much room in the womb either)
I grow people inside me
what's your superpower?
Gestating and lactating since 2003
No, I'm not having quads
thanks for asking.
We have two girls and two boys
This one's the tie breaker
Possible Middle Child Inside
And my personal favourite
BLESSED
Stand Back!
I have my own gravity field.
Due for Delivery June 2010
Full Hands - Fuller Heart
(there's not much room in the womb either)
I grow people inside me
what's your superpower?
Gestating and lactating since 2003
No, I'm not having quads
thanks for asking.
We have two girls and two boys
This one's the tie breaker
Possible Middle Child Inside
And my personal favourite
BLESSED
ANNOUNCING!
Baby number 5 will be making a debut public appearance sometime next June!
We are all, of course, thrilled!
The current order from the older two is a boy or boy/girl twins.
The current order from my friend Dani who just had triplets is twins OR triplets. With twins I will have six under six just like her, with triplets we can share triplet Mummy tips!
The current order from Beloved is one at a time or at least not triplets or we will fill up the new car too fast!
The current order from the Mama person is another quiet one this time around would be lovely seeing as Anna is now in the running for the Loudest Baby Ever (Billy still wins, just!).
But for real? We are so looking forward to meeting this new little person and getting to know him or her just the way he or she is!
We are blessed beyond belief
A moving speech
I promise I will get back to stories about the kids and keeping house soon! In the mean time, watch this please!
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