A Long Time Coming update

I did a little checking and it turns out that it has been over a MONTH since I last did an update. Oops! Seeing as the primary purpose of this blog is to update family and friends on the goings on of the Guest Household, I better get to it!

Erin:
is about to finish her tenth reader which means she is ALMOST ready to have our GIRLS NIGHT! When she reaches the goal of completing reader ten we (she and I) will sit up watching "Little Women", I will do her hair in rags, we will pop popcorn and have other special foods and we will snuggle together in the lounge room on the fold out couch. This looks like it is going to be so successful that we may well make it a regular reward. Billy is already looking forward to his first boys night! I love that it nurtures our relationship rather than adds to the "stuff" in our house

Another system we have put in place for Erin is our "button system" for the dishes. Erin can be a bit VAGUE at times - think absent minded professor from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. She loves doing the dishes for me, but I was starting to find bits of food still stuck all over them after she had played "making jam" with them for an hour. This left us with a few choices

(a) she stops doing the dishes for me
(b) I stand over her to make sure they are done properly
(c) I mete out punishment when the work is not done properly or
(d) I give added incentive for her to maintain high standards in her work

I picked the one that requires the LEAST work from me and is MOST likely to teach her a life skill and nurture a helpful attitude - D! So on our kitchen windowsill we have two jars, each time the dishes are done to my standards (which are very high) she gets to put a button across. When all the buttons are across she gets to buy a chocolate frog! There are 14 buttons, so she has to do the dishes perfectly 14 times before I spend 45 cents on a chocolate frog - works for me! Erin is thriving and we are teaching life lessons - if you do the work to a high standard, you get paid, if you do a shoddy job, you have to do it again and you don't get paid! Plus, developing an eye for detail can only serve her well in future.

Billy:
is wildly excited about the possibility of going to the Zoo when we go away on holiday. I asked him which animals he PARTICULARLY wanted to visit and the list he gave me probably would have filled Noah's ark. It also contained some animals we probably won't see - unless they have rabbits and bees at the Zoo now! He is loving the warmer, SOMEWHAT drier, weather of spring and being able to get outside to run and collect firewood for me makes for a much happier boy. It is rare for us to go a week without him asking if he can go visit Nanny and Poppy after his weekend away last month, but as they are on holiday in Queensland it probably won't happen for a while. He has started learning his alphabet as he has a strong desire to read to me. We are taking things very slow though as I know where he wants to be academically is probably a little beyond where he is capable of being JUST yet! He's a bright button, but he wants to be able to read 101 Dalmations to me and I think we need to take things one step at a time!

Christopher:
is also enjoying the added freedom of being able to get out and run. We were housebound yesterday due to the rain and we both nearly went crazy! He is even more affectionate, frequently throwing his arms around me, yelling "Tiss!" and planting a big, sloppy one on my mouth! I have started making a point of reading to just him and Anna before nap time and this has done wonders for our relationship. Having that focused time with just the little ones makes him seem much more willing and compliant later in the day. He adores Anna and often climbs into her playpen to play with her. I think she is the only one who doesn't boss him around! The older two can get quite pushy with him and when he dishes out what he has been served (which he can, in spades!) they are the first to come crying to me. We are addressing this, but it takes time. The older two are also starting to play more intricate games, which an almost two year old cannot understand. Even if they DON'T set out to intentionally exclude him (which, let's be honest, sometimes they DO!) the games go completely over his head - so Anna is very important to him. I am pleased and relieved when the boys play happily together or when Erin plays with Christopher and I have to remind myself sometimes that this is just where they are all at and their relationships will change a million more times.

Anna:
is not afraid to use her two teeth - on me! She is also very into solid food all of a sudden, but is getting a little bound up so we incorporate a fair bit of prune juice into her diet. She is crawling on her tummy, which I am so not ready for, and having big long conversations with anyone who will listen. My Ergo is an absolute joy and she can usually be found either in there or in her playpen. Still the happiest baby in the world, she is also showing signs of having as strong a will as Christopher. Already she will hurl herself at the limits with abandon! She also seems to have the "grab life with both hands" attitude that Billy has which is startling after having the laid back Christopher as our last baby. Hmmm, Billy's full on, fast paced development with Christopher's strength of will. OK, this could be interesting!


The house:
is a mess. I am in total revolt against STUFF. I am a mother, my mission in life is to raise CHILDREN not STUFF. So I am going on a spring clean/cull and I am getting rid of STUFF. It probably wouldn't matter that Erin has four jackets if we had the storage, but we don't, so now she has two (one for good and one for the yard). It probably wouldn't matter that Anna has 15 pairs of PJ's if I didn't let the washing go until every single one of them was needing to be washed - but I do, so now she has 5. It probably wouldn't matter that we have two little wooden puzzles that are exactly the same and totally unusable because they snap as soon as the slightest pressure is applied in the wrong direction....no, wait, there is no justification whatsoever for keeping THOSE! So I am getting rid of STUFF. I am ignoring the wails of a certain little girl who says "But Nana Julie/Breah/Nanny/someone whose name I don't remember GAVE me THAT!" (I am sure they will get over it) and "But I MADE that!" (no you didn't, you made something else and this is the 1 cm square SCRAP OF PAPER left over!). The only STUFF that is off limits is Beloved's STUFF, and that is only for the sake of the marriage!

The garden:
is waiting for me to finish getting rid of the STUFF so I can get out there into it! I love daffodils and lawn daisies, they give so much and expect so little.

Jess

A clip

I thought this was a beautifully presented truth.

Prayer request

I have a friend who is about 28 weeks pregnant. This is her fourth pregnancy and she was planning a home birth. A couple of weeks ago she went in for a check and she was measuring high for dates so she had an ultrasound where two little bubbas were found floating around! The next week she went for a more extensive ultrasound and they found ANOTHER one! Yes, she got nearly two thirds through a triplet pregnancy without realising it! I THINK we can safely say there are ONLY three in there!

She and her hubby seem to be handling things beautifully, but going from a family of five to a family of EIGHT in one hit is a big adjustment.

One of the biggest challenges they currently face is the attitude of the medical establishment. Unfortunately, she is facing an attitude of bullying from doctors who believe that there is NO way she should even be allowed to trial labour and, in fact, they tried to give her a shot of steroids with no prior warning "just in case" the babies came early (she has had NO sign of pre-term labour and is already at 28 weeks). While she doesn't want to be foolish about the added concerns and risks of a triplet pregnancy, she DOES want to be included in decisions made about her body and her children - not too much to ask in my book! So please pray that she will be given wisdom and direction and the health professionals will treat her with respect and courtesy, offering their learning, advice and experience to facilitate her and her husband to make wise and considered decisions.

Please also pray that they and their other three daughters will receive all the support they need and will feel God's presence and peace as they plunge into the world of triplets! A wonderful blessing, and a wonderful challenge!

Multi tasking

How to teach botany, biology, math and economics while gardening organically and hanging out the washing.

Step 1. Get two enterprising children

step 2. Arm them with a small bucket of salt water each.

Step 3. Tell them they will get one cent for each snail they collect.

Step 4. Watch them while they collect snails, pointing out likely hiding places and things that the snails have been eating.

Step 5. Count their snails with them about 80 times before they decide they have enough.

Step 6. Count the snails (again) and pay the agreed amount.

Step 7. Dispose of snails and take children to the shop to spend some money!

Step 8. Help them put the change in their money boxes

Step 9. Watch them enjoy the fruits of their labour!

Step 10. Give yourself a pat on the back and go and blog about it.

I love lazy, sunny Sundays

On becoming a woman

I remember the day of her birth.

Placed on my belly, the warm, moist form looked up at me brightly then started crawling toward my breast making sucking sounds - before I even said hello.

I scooped her into my arms and moved the umbilical cord to have a look.

Then I looked again.

Then I looked AGAIN.

The bossy midwife who I didn't like called across the room
"WELL? What have you got?"

I ignored her and turned to Beloved.

"we got a girl."

In amongst the high of birth, the indescribable love that was washing through me toward her and the praise and thanksgiving to God for this precious soul in my arms there was sheer, unabated, TERROR.

a girl.

a GIRL.

A GIRL.

A GIRL!?!

What are you THINKING Lord?

This isn't the plan.

Sons, I was going to have all sons.

Boys are resilient, out there, EASY!
I can do boys.
I can tell what boys are thinking, most of the time.
They don't play games with people's heads.

Boys always, on some level, think their Mum is brilliant.
Girls - well they seem to learn different at some stage.

Everything is navy blue and red Lord, EVERYTHING.
I don't think I even have a pink blanket.
I have been referring to this child as "he" for months and months.
I've scarred her for life already I'm sure.

What to I know about girls????

I don't even know about being a woman myself.
I have screwed that up royally,
along with my marriage and everything else you have given me.

So I looked around from under the warm sheet, flung over me and my newborn amid the birthing fluids.

I saw my husband, a man who I loved with the greatest passion,
a man who I had been separated from in terms of address
for almost the entire pregnancy,
a man who I had been separated from on deeper levels for much, much longer.

The look on his face was - joy, amazement, and a million other things.

The shock numbed me at first I think. I had been so sure that she was a boy. Terrified of the alternative.

We didn't find out our baby's gender during the scan, possibly because I was afraid to find out in retrospect.

I had never been totally comfortable with being a woman. I never had a desire to be a man or was confused about my gender or anything like that, but the mantle didn't sit easy. To be a role model to a little girl seemed completely beyond my capabilities.

Beloved and I were trying to piece together the broken shards of our marriage and the little one I held in my arms was the only thing to make me truly, deeply, happy for a very long time. Possibly the only thing to make me truly happy ever at that stage. And I was DETERMINED to do the best I could. Stubborn is one thing I CAN do well, so I set my jaw stepped out.

Over the months and years that followed there was an amazing journey for me. A journey of motherhood, yes, but a whole different journey meshed with the first, but at the same time completely separate.

The journey of becoming a woman.

A journey I am yet to complete.

Weird childhood memories my children will have #682

Mum crying as she reads 101 Dalmations and the puppies are stolen.

I have only read the book about fifty times - Poor Pongo, Missis and Perdita! Poor Dearlys and Nannies! Poor Puppies!

Food for thought

I dream

of a massive family.
adopting from Ethiopia and/or Romania.
Jon working from home full time.
of a bit of land to feed us from.
of a writing studio and time to use it.
of hiking, camping and singing together.

Wild, extravagant dreams.

Dreams that seem impossible in this moment.

But still, I dream.

I remember when being a wife and a mother was my dream - more than a dream, an obsession. Instead of preparing myself for the role, I threw myself into relationships backward - in the custom of my culture - falling in love first, asking questions later. It wasn't until I finally let go of the dream, gave it to God, and focused on what He needed me to do in the NOW that the dream arrived.

So I still dream.

I read blogs written by Mums of large families with international adoptions, I read about the less shiny parts of being an adoptive Mum, and articles by Mums who have followed that particular road and had the good sense to point out some of the pot holes they hit on the way.

I write occassinally and read whenever I can so the skills don't totally rust away. I bookmark articles on the art of writing in the vague hope I will get time to read them and fill notebooks and journals with thoughts that I may one day finish (when all the kids leave home?).

We shop for land and madly save every penny we can (which isn't much). We research different enterprises and try not to get totally out of practise where all things rural are concerned, in spite of living in the middle of town (btw, town is 1 shop, 1 school, 1 pub, 1 post office and a couple of assorted tourist attractions and B&B's, so we aren't total city slickers!).

We sing every day.

We hike sometimes too.

We have lined up some camping trips with friends this summer.

And sometimes we, I, dream.

But mostly, I try and stay in the here and now. I try and learn the lessons of today, leaving the dream in God's hands. NOW, He is teaching me the lessons of keeping house by giving me an itty bitty one to manage for a while (I remember praying a while back that He would teach me to keep house better - you'd think I'd learn). I am learning patience. I am learning to let go of what doesn't matter and hold tight to what does. I am learning to put Patrice back in her box. I am learning where I can get love and support and to make use of those avenues BEFORE I get to crisis point. I am learning that it isn't my will that matters, but His. I am learning that He has great plans for me.

I dream, but beyond that I LIVE. Because I have been given life abundantly and HIS dreams for me are beyond even my wildest.

Top Ten Tips for Family Worship with Preschoolers and Toddlers

1. Use the KISSS principle – Keep it Short and Simple, Sweetheart! One song and a prayer done well has far more impact than a twenty minute session which leaves everyone in tears – including Mum!

2. Keep things predictable. Have worship at a fairly predictable time. After breakfast works for us, everyone is awake and fed and linking it to a feed time means we don’t forget. We don’t forget to eat very often in this house! Also if little ones know what to expect, they will be more likely to cooperate.

3. Have REALISTIC expectations. You are not going to have the Von Trapp family singing harmony in your lounge room. Expect there to be disasterous days. Expect to be singing solo for the first year or two of worship (I did!). Expect to have to teach your children how to behave during worship. Then you are less likely to be disappointed!

4. Realise that teaching and training your children is in and of itself an act of worship. It is hard to feel worshipful when you have to stop “Jesus Loves Me” ten times to administer correction, but correcting and teaching your children IS an act of worship.

5. Stick with it. If you are having worship as a part of the rhythm of your home, it is because it is important to you. Focus on the long term, the ETERNAL, benefits of family worship. It makes it easier to start family worship yet again when it resulted in tears the previous five times.


6. Personalise it to suit your family. At the moment, we have one song each, our pre-prayers songs, family prayer and The Lord’s Prayer. Totally different to what we did last year and I dare say it will change again next year. Do what works, and if it doesn’t work, change it.

7. Have clear expectations. Before worship starts, tell the kids what you want them to do with their hands, feet, eyes, mouth etc. Before prayer time, Say SPECIFICALLY what you want them to do with their hands, feet, eyes, mouth etc. Eventually, get THEM to tell YOU and their other siblings what the expectations are (firstborns especially love this in my experience!) then when those things are NOT done, it is clear defiance and it can be dealt with in the way your family deals with defiance. There will be no space for argument or compromise and kids respond to clear boundaries.

8. Include them in choosing songs. This gives a feeling of ownership. At the moment I could quite cheerfully NEVER sing “The Wise Man Built His House Upon A Rock” OR “Whose the King of the Jungle” but we sing them every day because the boys love them.

9. Don’t expect to see fruit straight away. My kids still go mute during worship, then the other week while he was wandering around the back yard Billy belts out “How Great Thou Art” at the top of his lungs. It gets written on their hearts, even if you can’t see it.

10. Make A Joyful Noise! Find a reason to laugh during worship. “I have fingers that tickle, tickle, tickle” is a verse of our pre-prayer song and it always makes us laugh. You can take a moment to tell the kids one reason you are thankful for them, one thing that makes them special. Whatever it is, make worship a pleasure, not a chore!

Food for thought - and a giggle

Are your lights shining in September?