You Fart In Bed

You fart in bed


Then pull the covers over my head


You leave your socks on the bedroom floor

You NEVER close the bathroom door

You're late for tea and never call

You leave your work boots in the hall

You never get up and settle the baby

When I ask for a date you shrug and say "maybe"

I ALWAYS put the kids to bed

do the dishes and get us all fed

You frustrate me beyond all reason

especially during the football season


And yet...


There's something.


Something I cannot, dare not, name.


Something that makes me not quite the same


Something that makes me lighter and freer

when watching you kick back with a beer

Eve's curse? Perhaps. Downtrodden? Maybe.

but with you I am a better me

There's something about you I cannot define

But whatever it is, I'm glad it is mine.

And when I am in your arms, in our room

When the house is quiet as the Taj Mahal tomb

When you whisper words of intimacy

And every woman wishes she were me


Then you fart and pull the covers over my head.


Even then, I am glad it is you in my bed.



Just so you know, my husband has NEVER done this to me (I threatened before we were married to bite him if he did). Also he never watches football, often settles the baby and is more than willing to take me out! It is FICTION. But I am sure many married women can relate